a p.s.

p.s. Tip #5: if you're single and male and don't want to be single? Learn to knit. Seriously. Good way to be a babe magnet, because the cool women won't give you grief about knitting and will actually encourage you. If you're not into women, well, we have gay friends.

This is actually David Demchuk's tip.

Dating do's and don't's for the single Catholic.

Okay, this one's culled from experience. Painful experiences dating.

1.) If you don't believe in the whole dating thing? Don't ask a woman out to dinner. No, this happened to me. I was at CalArts, and a guy there (also a practicing Catholic) and I hit it off. We were friends, and he asked me to dinner. I said what the hey and went. While there, we got talking about the whole grad school application thing. I'd gotten accepted to my school, and he hadn't gotten an acceptance letter yet. He proceeds to tell me that I should withdraw, because I won't need to go on to grad school when I start having his children. I ask him to clarify, thinking I didn't hear him properly. He mentioned that he only dates people he's interested in marrying. Check please.

I think the underlying problem, here, is that there is a segment of the population who doesn't view women as people. That is, they don't think that they should have dreams, ambitions, and goals like everyone else. If a woman is happy with a traditional role? Mazel tov, and I'll fight to the death for her right to be happy in that life. Me? It's not the best use of my gifts and talents. It also makes me wonder what kind of attitude that sort of a man would have towards his wife, should she not wind up being as perfect as he hoped.

2.) Don't belittle your SO, then wonder why he/she won't sleep with you. Come on, people, this is a no-brainer. For instance I just read on a forum where a man is denigrating his wife, shaming her publicly for getting a tubal, then wonders why she won't touch him. God, I have no freaking idea. I mean, wouldn't you really want to sleep with someone like that?

3.) Missionary dating rarely works. I think why the Hoopy Frood and I have gotten on so well is that we aren't out to convert the other. Seriously, if the whole different religion thing won't work out for you, it's probably better to break up than expect your partner to convert.

There will be differences. Every couple has them, it's just a matter of how you deal with them. Some differences are deal-breakers. (I wouldn't ever be happy dating someone who's fundamentalist in their beliefs.) Others aren't. (I can deal with the Hoopy Frood not being Catholic.)

4.) If someone creeps you out, don't feel obligated to be nice to him/her. I'm talking people who aren't weird, but raise your danger sense. I think far too often women (especially) are socialized to be nice all the time, which means being a doormat for those who prey on such people. Stand your ground, make a boundary, stick with it, and be loaded for bear (metaphorically speaking), if that doesn't work. People get killed for thinking they have to be nice to everyone. I think The Gift of Fear should be required reading for most people.

Drive-by posting, here. My life's chaotic (to say the least) with a bunch of things I don't have the time or headspace to deal with at the moment. But I found this response a friend from Livejournal wrote about the whole Cook/Meyers shindig. She's got an interesting take on the whole thing that's well worth reading.

Be the ball...

Okay, not that scene, per se, but I think we could all use some Bill Murray right about now.

Reading about things such as this? Does not make me want to finish my dissertation. I really don't get the hate people have towards the Eucharist. I mean, I don't go out of my way to kick Mormon missionaries and tie-dye their special undergarments. I've defended academe against the likes of the "lace and biretta brigade," as Jeff puts it, but things like what Meyer and Cook are doing aren't making it easy.

Here's hoping the criminal masterminds nieces don't read my blog...

So the two oldest are getting to an age where I thought something more adult would be cool to have. So I'm knitting them something lacy, namely scarves. This one is for Niece #2, who's a bit of a tomboy and likes greens/blues/turquoises:



Specifically it's the seascape wrap from knitty in a handpainted tencel laceweight yarn from Yarntopia Treasures. My stitch markers are from Office Max. (Don't laugh, they work great, and if I lose them, five bucks later, I've got 500 more.) I'm really loving the tencel yarn. I don't think it's going to need as much blocking as the silk or alpaca/merino lace yarns. (Which is good for the niece units, since I don't think they really want to take the time to pin out their things after washing them.) It's also great to work with in the summer, while another thing I've got going in baby alpaca wool is HOT. You wouldn't think yarn the thickness of fine crochet thread would be warm, but it is...

This is going to be another very rare political post from me. I need to get something out of my system. In short, a lot of Catholics on the internet are a bunch of freaks, and not in the good way.

http://rosaryarmy.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=9340

And I quote the post verbatim, since i believe one has to register. My comments are in brackets.

...because of my well known political leanings, many might take this as a personal attack on Sen Obama. I mean no such personal attack. [Oh bullshit. The whole post is one big personal attack. See also my comment at the end, that it's OK for "favorites" to post whatever they like.] I'm also not part of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy(tm) or the Republican Attack Machine(R). [But he admits to having "well known political leanings," which are almost always right of center.]

As a military officer, I attempt to be as apolitical as humanly possible.[Which he most certainly isn't on the forums.]

The reason I am posting this is because I found it might be a piece of the puzzle about who this man is (and if you believe the polls, already elected), and what he believes, and wanted some other opinions. What he believes in important, because Sen Obama makes decisions based in his worldview and mindset, and presumably his faith.[So? I have a Buddhist mala a friend gave to me that was blessed by a lama. It doesn't mean that I'm suddenly Buddhist. It means that I have a friend, who knows I have an active prayer life and gave me a precious--to her--gift.]

Sen Obama has professed his Christian confession on multiple occasions, and I take him at his word...however, judging by his stance on the life issues and then little items like this...well, lets just say that I'm curious as to how a Christian might reconcile his/her faith with carrying a Hindu idol in his pocket (if not voting against the Born Alive Infant Act).[Yeah, and not every Christian believes what the Rosary Army holds to be gospel, thank God. And there could be a number of reasons why a politician would vote against that act, especially with the Bush administration's fondness for sneaking in pork.]

NRIs back Obama, thanks to Hanuman

WASHINGTON: The support of the Indian Americans to presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is steadily rising , thanks to his lucky charm Lord Hanuman, suggests a leading American daily.

REQUEST: please don't flame Sen Obama. He's a United States Senator, and his office deserves respect...[Unlike what the poster has shown.]I request you restrict any and all comments to the issue (mixing religious symbols), and how this particular thing might give a window into the worldview of the man, and not the man personally. [Gasp. I clutch at my pearls that a person would actually show some sort of religious tolerance.]

So...Harmless? Superstitious? [I call bullshit on the original poster.]

First off, the original poster is flatly endorsing a political candidate, and has been for a very long time. Secondly, having something doesn't mean belief in it. But if the original poster could see past his bias long enough to actually google Hanuman, he'd find that Hanuman epitomizes the essence of love and devotion. Yeah, that's a bad quality for a candidate to have. Third, I'm sure it was given to him by someone who sincerely believed he/she was doing something good by giving him that charm. I don't believe in the Hindu pantheon, but it's no different, were I to give a Hindu friend a rosary. (I've made rosaries out of Buddhist malas--a bunch were being sold in a bead store, and it felt wrong that objects once used for prayer would be sold as overpriced baubles. So I bought as many as I could to make rosaries out of, so they'd still be used for prayer.)

OK, we get it. The poster on the forum won't vote for Obama because of his voting record. Fair enough, and I can respect that reason. But to bring a good luck charm into it? Like Catholics don't do the same with various saints medals, miraculous medals, and scapulars? Come on and give me a flipping break. The whole thing reeks of a petty attack.

I wonder if part of the reason why people (read: some white, right-wing males) are so threatened by Obama as a candidate is because they're afraid to give up the white male privilege they've enjoyed for so long. I'd post all of this there, but I'm sure it would disappear, since the person making the post is one of the "favorites." Such people can do no wrong, and anyone who dares question them get censored.

Pair of really great posts about how not to talk to Catholics about religion, if you're from an evangelical tradition.

6 Tips on How Not to Witness to Christians
How not to Witness, Part 2

No clue what was up with commenting earlier. Seems to be back now.

So lately I've been trying to sort out what it means to be a contemplative. I think one of the things I keep running into is the rather Puritan/Protestant notion that one has to always be doing something. What good are the folks, who spend most of their days in some sort of community, dedicating most of their lives to prayer? Why do we need them, anyway?

In A Right to be Merry, Mother Francis discusses how contemplatives are really the backbone of the Church. (I'm holed up in a library on campus because it's air conditioned, so I don't have the reference handy.) She also discusses how they're usually the first under attack by enemies of the Church. Now, I'm not one to pull a Bill Donohue and claim injustice from everywhere, but there are people out there who, for whatever reason, do want to see the Church destroyed. (From both within and without.) Evil does exist, although humans are all too willing to do Screwtape's job for him.

So, yeah, I'm not out there working in soup kitchens or shelters. You won't ever see me out there protesting at a Planned Parenthood, either (for a number of reasons). It's not because I don't think social justice or pro-life issues are important, but it's because that's not where I'm called to be. No matter how I throw myself at those issues, no matter what I do, it isn't enough.

Contemplatives deeply care about other people and their issues, but we recognize that no matter how we throw ourselves at those problems, we aren't called to active ministry. Our lives are primarily one of witness, and by that I mean a a kind of sacred attention. We need to be alone with the Divine, and it isn't selfish longing. It's where our gifts are, and where we are called. It's only through union with the Divine that we can reach out to others.