213 things Garpu is not allowed to do

#1: Take apart the Hoopy Frood's Nintendo DS lite before it dies.

#2: Take apart the Hoopy Frood's Nintendo DS Lite and put it back together again. Not even if I put all the screws in the right places.

#3 Teach the song "Charlie Mops" to my nieces, including those I'm not directly related to.

So I'm totally lusting after an ice blue Nintendo DS lite. Because they aren't region locked in any way, they're fully compatible with any other DS game. (Steve and I both have Wifi Yakuman DS, a Japanese mahjong game--he got it for birthday/Christmas.) I can't really justify the extra $30-50 plus shipping for it, though. I was considering getting the case and modding a refurb (no way would I want to do that to a new DS lite), and I found this video describing how to take apart a Nintendo DS Lite:



No, the Hoopy Frood won't let me practice on his. Although since the ice blue cases go for $20 on Ebay and the refurbed DS system is about $100, I'm not so sure I'd save much money. Completely dreaming, here, since I can't justify spending money on a DS lite, when my old DS works perfectly well. (Although it's touchy, the battery doesn't last long anymore, and it's a crapshoot if the wifi works. But the brightness control on the LCD screens on a DS lite would be nice, since I mostly use the DS during the day in sunlight on public transit.)

But, yeah, I've totally called dibs on the Frood's DS Lite when it finally gives up the ghost.

So what does everyone have planned? Christmas is kind of a bummer for me, so I need a contact high from everyone else's cheer.

Us, not much. We've got Christmas with the Hoopy Frood's dad and stepmom today, so we're all piling over there for holidays with the first set of inlaws. (Inlaws-to-be? Hell, we're as good as married, so I guess they're as good as inlaws. And thanks to divorce, I have two sets of inlaws.)

Then tomorrow is our birthday (Yes, the Hoopy Frood and I have the same birthday, which happens to be Christmas Eve.) Normally we do sushi (sushi restaurants are empty on Christmas Eve) and some sort of movie, but there haven't been many movies the past couple of years that we've wanted to see. Christmas Eve birthdays kind of suck because before the Frood I didn't really get one once I turned twelve or so. (I did as a child. But then as I got older, it was thought that I'd "understand," and the two days got combined out of convenience.)

Christmas we don't have anything planned other than going over to the Hoopy Frood's mom and stepdad's. Normally we hang out, munch on stuff, then play games. I'm kicking myself for not bringing my mahjong tiles, but Japanese rules mahjong is completely different from American mahjong, and it's not really something you can teach in an afternoon. (Plus the Frood and I aren't good enough at it to teach other people yet, although there are some easy truths: don't deal into an open riichi, which is along the lines of don't pee on an electric fence, since you can see their tiles.)

Anyhow, have a merry Christmas!

And in my fandom news, the show, "Doctor Who" is getting flak from both the last survivor of the Titanic and a Christian group. Never mind that the special everyone is bitching about hasn't aired yet (3 days to go). Anyone want to start a betting pool as to when Bill Donohue will get penis envy and start complaining about "Doctor Who" having an anti-Catholic agenda?

In the interest of full disclosure, this one will be filled with spleen venting and minor airing of grievances. I'm seeing a trend in the blogosphere that's disturbing me. It seems like any kind of Catholic who doesn't openly identify or sympathize with the SSPX has a big target painted on their ass, especially if they openly identify as female. I've seen two bloggers lately harassed and quit blogging because of it.

It's as if in their minds--the bullies--that any Catholic woman must be demure--read subservient and non-threatening--homeschool, and be a mother. Fortunately for the rest of us, the Church is big enough to accommodate everyone. You know the old adage about praying as you can, not as you can't? That isn't limited by sex. Some women do find their spirituality through motherhood and raising children. Others don't. I find it unsurprising that most of these bullies are men under the age of 25 and are single, not by choice.

These attitudes towards women scare me, frankly. This is behavior I'd expect from certain tribal regions of the middle east, not in westernized nations out of a religion that's gone through the Enlightenment already. It's as if they can keep women ignorant, they won't demand things like equal pay, access to education, and the like.

And these attitudes aren't just towards women, either. You should read some of the hate they spew towards gay, lesbian, and transgendered people. Really, folks, gay is not catching. You can't become gay because of gay cooties. All confessing your disgust with "the gay lifestyle" does is make you an asshole. While I'm not in the least bit attracted to women--my kidding about Natalie Portman, aside--it isn't helping anyone, least of all myself, to emphasize this point. There are a ton of lifestyles I wouldn't be happy with, but it doesn't mean they're necessarily bad. All it means is, for whatever reason, they're wrong for me. And while I'm on the subject, I fail to see how a loving and committed relationship between two consenting adults does anything other than encourage my relationship. We need more love in this crappy world of ours.

Point the third, related to the second. Reading books by non-Catholics won't make you Protestant or atheist. Witness the ranting by Bill Donohue about the Dark Materials trilogy. I thought they were entertaining. One of my favorite TV shows is produced/written by an atheist (*gasp* and a gay one at that), and I'm finding plenty in it that engages me as a Catholic. (See also the end of "Last of the Time Lords.") Thank God, but we don't live in a Catholic world. We need to be able to engage and deal with other points of view besides our own, and being able to appreciate another's argument is not the same thing as accepting it.

Point the fourth. Just because someone has a blog doesn't mean that every point of view is welcome. The First Amendment only pertains to political speech, the right to assemble, and public speech. This blog is not public. Nor is any other blog. The blogosphere would be a more pleasant place, if more people remembered that. Nobody has a right to say what they want in any blog, not if they don't want to be sitebanned.

When drama works

And I'm not talking about the bloggy kind of drama. It's weird for me dealing in forms that aren't abstract, since drama in abstract music is far removed from drama in other arts. There was a post over on Paul Cornell's blog about drama and the audience. He makes the point that in mutli-faceted drama:

That’s the contract I make with it. It’s not there to console me, comfort me, make me feel better right now, although it may end up doing that in the end. The comfort it finally affords me is that of the blues. It’s actually there to make me feel alive and connected with the rest of human experience, hopefully extreme human experience that I’d prefer to do like this rather than first hand, thanks very much.

I think when drama works, I'd rather have the kind he's discussing (Found in BSG, Studio 60, et al) than the cheap kind. If I wanted feel goods and warm fuzzy, there's Lifetime or whatever made-for-TV movie is out there. If an author is going to play with my emotions, I'd hope that there's something to show for the investment I make in the show.

For instance--and here be spoilers for Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica--when Kat dies in "The Passage," her death meant something. She was far from a sympathetic character--if anything she was one of the characters I think the audience had a hard time identifying with because of her failings. But, if anything, this also endeared her to characters, because we all know people like her, even if we wouldn't want to have a social event with her.

I like it when characters do something that makes me wonder what the hell they were thinking, because when a character is perfect all the time, it makes me wonder what he or she (or it in sci-fi) is hiding. Cornell brings up the passage in "Human Nature" when John Smith allows Tim to be beaten. Certainly I think at that point, more than any other, the audience fully realizes that our hero isn't there anymore. Or Joan's comment at the end, that a whim got people killed. Our hero screwed up.

The end of Season 3/29 of Doctor Who was about as dark as the show gets. Once again the consequence of genocide is front and center, and there's absolutely no escaping it, or the damage that's been done to certain of the characters over the course of the last three episodes. It'll be interesting to see where the series goes from there. I'm hoping that it isn't a cheap kind of catharsis afterwards--it would be too easy to hide behind the facade of "wacky alien in space," ignoring the dramatic fallout. (I think that's why I didn't mind the Rose angst, even if I didn't like her character much. If someone you're close to leaves suddenly and not as part of some kind of breakup, then odds are any intelligent being is going to deal with it. Or not.)

So long as "All Along the Watchtower" isn't used as a plot point, I'll be happy.

So in the words of my Minnesotan relatives, we're gettin' a little bit of snow, dere. I'm in Boston. Flight was drama-free, and I had a seat to myself both ways. Go figure. I love some of the euphemisms they have for snow. "Flurries," is anything under 6 inches. "A little snow" means that it's over 6 inches, visibility might be down, but the plows are out and you can still move. "Some snow" is decreased mobility from there. "Heckuva lot of snow" means that you had to get the snowblower out and probably aren't driving anywhere. "Blizzard" means that you stay put, complete white out, and probably can't see the driveway from your house, and will have to get the neighbor to plow your driveway out.

Think I'm finally acclimating back to colder weather. Seems like the first Christmas break I spent in Boston, I did nothing but freeze. Then again it's actually been slightly colder in Seattle lately than Boston. (It's a dryer cold out here, too, so it doesn't feel as miserable as Seattle when it's under 30 degrees.) I think this is the remains of the Ragnarok '07 we had a few days ago that left western Washington looking like the 9th Ward.

And in other news...I finally broke down and bought a real laptop bag. My backpack ripped the night before I was supposed to leave town, so I got this one. (Was the cheapest one at the store I could get to.) Even though I paid $65 for it, it was worth every damn penny going through two airports. (Already paid for it, I think.) It's balanced, it doesn't throw your center of gravity off, and I'm pretty sure it's bigger on the inside than the outside. Plus it has a pocket for everything, including one that fits my breviary perfectly. That side entry panel for the laptop is the coolest thing since sliced bread, too, especially if you have to pull it out at security checkpoints. One review of it was complaining that the panel was too small, but he thought the inside pocket was the laptop sleeve. (That's for cords, mouse, etc, or so it says in the manual that came with the backpack.) RTFM saves the day!

Eight meme

For those of you on facebook, you may want to read this about beacon, what it does, why it's bad, and how to block it. If you haven't inherited the skepticism I have from my computer security partner-in-crime, then disregard.

So the number eight is popping up a lot lately on various blogs, and I got tagged for a meme. Don't normally do them on this blog, but I haven't had much to discuss lately. (That should change in the future...been reading books about the Camaldolese Benedictines.)

8 passions in my life:

1.) composing music
2.) Benedictine monasticism
3.) Doctor Who
4.) Computers
5.) mahjong (Japanese rules)
6.) video games
7.) Balinese music
8.) knitting

8 things to do before I die:

1.) the Camino de Santiago
2.) study music in Bali
3.) See Doctor Who being filmed in Cardiff
4.) Travel.
5.) See Firefly/Serenity
6.) learn to rollerblade
7.) quit renting
8.) beta test a video game that doesn't totally suck.

8 things I often say:

1.) Huh.
2.) Some variant of "frak."
3.) "reverse the polarity of the neutron flow." (I've used this on a support call.)
4.) A stream of profanity at NPR when it wakes me up in the morning, both because it's waking me up and because of the content.
5.) "Hihi." (default greeting, both online and in my analog mode.)
6.) "What the heck?" (Or if I've been talking to Minnesotan relatives, "What's the deal?")
7.) WTF, LOL, squee, OTM, AFK bio (in analog mode) For instance, the Frood will say something funny, and I'll respond "El Oh El." Or if I'm going somewhere, I'll say, "OTM. Back in a bit" (OTM: MMO speak for "on the move," meaning a slow moving raid is moving.)
8.) "Hey cool."

8 books I read (or am reading) recently:

1.) Film and the nuclear age : representing cultural anxiety / Toni A. Perrine
2.) The imaginary war : civil defense and American cold war culture / Guy Oakes (Guess what I'm writing a paper on)
3.) the Dark Materials trilogy (which I like.)
4.) Forever Autumn, Mark Morris (OK. Total brain candy, but after some of the stuff I read, it's a good break.)
5.) And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic, Randy Shilts
6.) Privilege of Love: Camaldolese Benedictine Spirituality, Peter-Damian Belisle
7.) Rationalizing Culture, Georgina Born (pretty interesting...an anthropologist looks at the power structures at IRCAM)
8.) Just Plain Folks, Loraine Johnson-Coleman

8 films that mean something to me:

1.) "Fargo," watched it with a close friend of mine, who described it as a modern morality play
2.) "Blue," crappy ending, but it's an interesting study of what it's like to be a composer (how ideas come to you, etc, not that I'm a ghost writer for my husband.)
3.) "Jackie Brown," movie I saw my first day at CalArts.
4.) "Shaft," (remake, first movie seen with the Hoopy Frood)
5.) "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," the Frood and I saw that movie the day after 9/11. We just had to get the holy hell away from CNN for awhile.
6.) "American Movie," was a preview at CalArts, and the filmmakers in the film were actually there. I thought the whole thing was a mocumentary, until I actually met the makers of "Coven." Holy crap, that's the way they are.


8 songs that mean something to me:

1.) "So Many Roads," Grateful Dead
2.) Stravinsky's Rite of Spring.
3.) Gorecki's third symphony, first movement
4.) "Bakersfield Bound,"Chris Hillman and the other Desert Rose people. Really speaks to how my life was the summer between my first and second years at CalArts. I was stuck in a part of the country I hated, and I really was "...Bakersfield bound like so many gone before / Just to cross our River Jordan and reach the other shore / When we first set eyes on The San Joaquin / Was like a friend we always knew."
5.) Coltrane, Love Supreme (OK, it's an album)
6.) Miles Davis, Aura (Ditto, but I can't pick just one song.)
7.) Ellington, Queen Suite (you want to learn orchestration, check that suite out. Instrumental color deliminating form doesn't get much clearer.)
8.) Teruna Jaya (Balinese gong kebyar piece)

8 living people I'd like to have a beer with:

1.) Jonathan Harvey (composer)
2.) Russel T. Davies (heh of course)
3.) Anne Sophie-Mutter
4.) The regulars on here.
Hrm...can't think of any more. If I can, I'll update.

8 people who I'm passing this on to:

Eh, tag yourselves.

And...it's snowing. The Frood has corrected me. If it's snowing, it's Ragnarok, not Armageddon. So yeah, Ragnarok '07 has begun, and they're calling for more snow tomorrow. Here's hoping it doesn't stick. Much, at least.

They're forecasting Armageddon from the skies:

Statement as of 5:23 AM PST on December 01, 2007

... Snow Advisory in effect from 10 am this morning to 10 PM PST
this evening...

The National Weather Service in Seattle has issued a Snow
Advisory for the western Washington lowlands... which is in effect
from 10 am this morning to 10 PM PST this evening.

Up to three inches of snow is expected across much of the western
Washington lowlands by late this evening. There may be local areas
close to the Olympics that may receive around 4 inches of
snow... such as Hood Canal and along the south slopes of the
Olympics.

Hasn't started yet, but it's pretty dark for 8:30 a.m. 3-4 inches isn't much, but it is when your city just doesn't get that kind of snow and doesn't have the small army of snowplows and de-icers that every little municipality has in the midwest. Fortunately I don't have to be anywhere this weekend I can't walk to. Depending on what the front behind the one bringing Armageddon does, we could get more snow tomorrow, too.

In which I win the internets. Or something.

I win the internets or something. The part I was working on--since my "novel" is in four parts, having finished the main plot at 10,000 words--isn't quite done, but the objective was 50,000 words in 30 days. 1600 words a day isn't that tricky, unless you get more than a day or two behind.

Point the second: if you don't already read the Real Live Preacher, check out his most recent post here. The insurance situation in this country is messed up beyond belief.

Point the third: Ironically as I was reading RLP's post, there was a report on NPR about the Pope's new encyclical. I'm on my way through it, but we all need a little hope now and then.

Huh. I'm only 2105 words short of where I should be. That's totally doable, if I get a good streak. Wait, scratch that. I could easily write (+ 2105 1667) words in a day if I were writing an academic paper. (Why, yes, I mostly do LISP, thanks for asking.) Having to tell a good story? I may have to go back into academic-mode and bust out some footnotes and citations. I still need the name of a (fake) psychedellic drug that reacts badly with alien biochemistry. Stumped on that one, and I can't keep calling it $drug. (I know enough perl to be useful.) I'm finding I have the most horrible luck coming up with names.

No, this probably won't ever see the light of day. Perhaps I might show it to people, provided that they buy me several beers and sign an NDA.

Things I've learned from NaNoWriMo

So I'm actually trying to do NaNoWriMo this year. I'm about 33,941 words into it, but am 2733 words short for where I should be today. About 1600 words a day really isn't difficult. 1600 words a day that's actually good is difficult.

Fiction is different from academic writing in that you have to lie to tell a good story. Nobody wants to hear every little detail about a given event, although in academic writing, every little detail does matter. In fiction, leaving out details can make it more appealing.

Getting an idea for a plot is easy. Keeping it going past 20,000 words isn't. I'm doing the Tolstoy thing, and my "novel" is actually in 3 (possibly 4) parts.

I think just spewing words and not (initially) caring about quality is helping the dissertation. I was starting to get hypercritical of what I'm doing, which was slowing me up. Keeping at least 1660 words a day flowing has helped the writing that matters.

Who knows if I'll actually finish. This won't ever see light of day, but it's been an interesting exercise.

From Paul Cornell's blog. Too good not to share.

In honor of Talmida:



A classic. Their friend in the background, who's oblivious to them, really ties it all together, I think.

More serious stuff to come. Been super busy.

A video found from a friend...oddly appropriate given the Gospel reading yesterday:

Bella?

So in my websurfings, I found a link to a blog post about the movie, "Bella." Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I don't like chick flicks. If there's any hint of romance or hurt/comfort (if I may use parlance from the fic world) as central plot issue, it'll make me snooze. I'd watched the trailer to "Bella," and, honestly, it didn't look like anything I'd be interested in, even if it's being hyped as the next great Catholic movie. And, yes, I realize I will be labeled a Bad Catholic for not wanting to see "Bella."

So when I found that blog post, I started feeling better--here was someone who knew something about film (and I'm sure she'll be dismissed as part of the librul academic atheists), and wasn't impressed with the movie. The fact that others associated with the film's production cast aspersions on her faith is enough for me to not see it. Nothing in her critique of it is the least bit ad hominem, yet people associated with the film are quick to sling it.

Any good filmmaker would be able to respond intelligently to criticism. Lord knows the ability to take criticism gracefully is something you have to quickly learn in any kind of art program. Plus, being able to respond to criticism clarifies your own point that much further. Responding by saying a critic has deep spiritual problems? Doesn't say much for one's film making abilities, there.

I think her post and the reactions to her thoughts illustrate two things about Catholicism these days:

1.) Our political climate is fostering extremism. If you disagree, you're BAD, when in reality it means nothing more than one disagrees.

2.) Why do we, as Catholics, accept trite pablum for art? Look at the liturgical music produced lately. When's the last time we had a Flannery O'Connor or a Graham Greene? How about the visual arts? Why is it that everyone sings "On Eagle's Wings," but clams up at "Pange lingua" or "Salve regina?" (Personally I think chant is way easier to sing than anything that OCP publishes.) From Palestrina to Pärt, we've had a tradition of good liturgical music that can stand on its own as art. Why is it that parishes won't (or can't) support a choir and music program so that they can encourage and commission new music?

I have a theory that the decline of music education and role of western art music in society has more to do with the decline of liturgical music than anything Vatican II did. If people aren't ever exposed to anything which challenges or stretches them, then it's difficult for them to understand it. There are plenty of composers out there, and not everyone sounds like the modernist composers of the 1950's. And even if they do, don't they deserve a chance to bring glory to God?

Radio Fork: "Hurt"

I'm being Posty McPost Pants today, but this is also a poll on my LJ, so ignore, if you've seen it twice.

Johnny Cash vs. NIN on "Hurt." Who's better? I can't decide because they're both very different songs.

Hello, wayward blog readers. I'm still here.

1. Been busy. Like Liam, I'm stuck in work hell.
2. Haven't had much interesting to write about lately.
3. If you haven't seen season 3/29 of Doctor Who, you'll note that the spoiler tags went away. I figured since it had aired both in the UK and in the US that they were no longer necessary. If you're going back through my archives, don't complain to me if I spoil the ending of "Last of the Time Lords."
   
4. There have been a few issues lately that have made blogging decidedly unfun. To some extent, we all create a persona when we're online. But the internet is also a harbor for mentally fragile people, who find support for their own distorted view. I've been online since 1993, when I started college, back in the days of DOC and Citadel BBSes. I assume people are putting forth that which they want me to see when they post here (everyone engages in some form of subterfuge online), but when I'm confronted with it (namely in the form of sockpuppets), that's clearly a cry for help. While I have sympathy for such people, I don't want to engage them here. I am not a therapist, and I can't provide the help they need.

First, there was a lack of due-process with a bunch of RIAA letters forwarded to UW students last year. (Because obviously IP's are never spoofed, proxied, or otherwise manipulated.) I'm sure there were students guilty of filesharing, if file sharing is something to be guilty of. (I'm not convinced. I think it's more of a gray area.)

Next, we have my university forcing people out of their neighborhood. Said area is not owned by UW, although a large percentage of the people living there are students. Did I mention the people being forced out are sex offenders? Yes, they are. And, it should be noted, were placed there because their crimes involved children, not adults. Also note the line in the article about how UW is interested in purchasing the five properties their landlord owns. It even made the Chronicle of Higher Ed.

Okay, sex offenders are creepy, scary people, I'll admit. The thought of what those men did makes my skin crawl. But if they were legal tenants, does UW and the governor have a right to force them out? What's to keep some other group lobbying and forcing out another group of people they deem undesirable?

Either they paid their debt to society, or they didn't. If they didn't, they shouldn't be free. If they did, then they've got a reasonable expectation of privacy and freedom from harassment, like the rest of us. I think it says a lot about how a given society, given the way the lowest members of that society are treated.

And, by the way, before someone accuses me of being academic (pardon the pun) about this, I lived across the street from those guys for the better part of a year and a half. By far, the worse neighbors were the fraternities, sororities, and other college students. That article and the actions by UW make me wonder whose legacy, big-donor mommy or daddy called to complain. The sex offenders were known when I lived there. I can't believe UW just learned about them.

Mathetes award and other stuff

So thanks to Cura and Jeff for their nominating me for a Mathetes award. :) Here's my response:

The Mathetes Award, created by Dan King of Management by God to recognize those who take to heart the Great Commission and further God’s Kingdom by creating more disciples for Him.

The rules for the award, as posted by its creator are as follows:

In the spirit of this award, the rules are simple. Winners of this award must pick five other “disciples” to pass it on to. As you pass it on, I just ask that you mention and provide links for:

1) This post as the originator of the award (Dan King of management by God)
2) The person that awarded it to you, and then
3) Name and sites of the five that you believe are fulfilling the role of a disciple of Christ.

My five (order meaning nothing beyond where they are in my blog bookmark folder):

1.) Rev. Mommy

2.) Crystal at Perspectives

3.) Sr. Julie at A Nun's Life

4.) Sr. Susan at Musings of a Discerning Woman

5.) Liam at Sententiae et clamores

Something of substance to come, I promise!

Be cool to the Pizza Dude

NPR junkie that I am, I'm listening to an interview on my local affiliate with the person who produces the "This I Believe" segment on NPR. (Link takes you to the program's site.) They just played one segment from the show entitled "Be Cool to the Pizza Dude." You can listen to it or read it here.

For the link-phobic:

Be Cool to the Pizza Dude
by Sarah Adams

If I have one operating philosophy about life it is this: "Be cool to the pizza delivery dude; it's good luck." Four principles guide the pizza dude philosophy.

Principle 1: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in humility and forgiveness. I let him cut me off in traffic, let him safely hit the exit ramp from the left lane, let him forget to use his blinker without extending any of my digits out the window or towards my horn because there should be one moment in my harried life when a car may encroach or cut off or pass and I let it go. Sometimes when I have become so certain of my ownership of my lane, daring anyone to challenge me, the pizza dude speeds by me in his rusted Chevette. His pizza light atop his car glowing like a beacon reminds me to check myself as I flow through the world. After all, the dude is delivering pizza to young and old, families and singletons, gays and straights, blacks, whites and browns, rich and poor, vegetarians and meat lovers alike. As he journeys, I give safe passage, practice restraint, show courtesy, and contain my anger.

Principle 2: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in empathy. Let's face it: We've all taken jobs just to have a job because some money is better than none. I've held an assortment of these jobs and was grateful for the paycheck that meant I didn't have to share my Cheerios with my cats. In the big pizza wheel of life, sometimes you're the hot bubbly cheese and sometimes you're the burnt crust. It's good to remember the fickle spinning of that wheel.

Principle 3: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in honor and it reminds me to honor honest work. Let me tell you something about these dudes: They never took over a company and, as CEO, artificially inflated the value of the stock and cashed out their own shares, bringing the company to the brink of bankruptcy, resulting in 20,000 people losing their jobs while the CEO builds a home the size of a luxury hotel. Rather, the dudes sleep the sleep of the just.

Principle 4: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in equality. My measurement as a human being, my worth, is the pride I take in performing my job -- any job -- and the respect with which I treat others. I am the equal of the world not because of the car I drive, the size of the TV I own, the weight I can bench press, or the calculus equations I can solve. I am the equal to all I meet because of the kindness in my heart. And it all starts here -- with the pizza delivery dude.

Tip him well, friends and brethren, for that which you bestow freely and willingly will bring you all the happy luck that a grateful universe knows how to return.

Evening Odds and Ends

1.) Stomach flu. Came out of nowhere last night/yesterday afternoon. Haven't made an emergency trip to the bathroom in a bit now.

2.) Watching the Ken Burns documentary on WWII. Maybe I'm just jaded, but I wonder if our perceptions of the war would've been different, had CNN, google news, and the internet existed back then. What if Halliburton and Blackwater existed then?

I'm trying to understand some of the hatred some of the people interviewed still have for the Japanese. I don't hate the Saudis, who were mostly responsible for 9/11. Granted, my family isn't winning any racial harmony awards, but some of the things I've heard them say (of the generation who lived through that time), don't bear repeating, as if the firebombings of Tokyo and two atomic bombs weren't enough. Does that generation of Japanese hate Americans?

I guess part of what I'm reacting to is how lily-white and innocent the Americans are being portrayed in this. Sure, they probably didn't come close to some of the atrocities elsewhere, but having heard of the crap that happened in Vietnam through present day, I'm a bit incredulous.

I'm tired of hearing how my generation isn't as patriotic as the "greatest generation," because we oppose the war in Iraq, or how our morals are askew. Or how we don't compare in education to that generation. Maybe they need to realize that the world is completely different than it was 60 years ago.

Here's a podcast interview with Paul Cornell, the writer of the book Human Nature that became the episodes "Human Nature," and "Family of Blood" of the season of Doctor Who that just aired. (That's season 29 for the old school fans and season 3 for the new school fans.) It's really well done. Boy howdy, if you haven't seen Utopia/Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords, hold off if you don't want it spoiled.

And here is a blog about the theology of Doctor Who. Don't agree with all his conclusions, but I like it nonetheless. (That and I tend to see the Doctor more as St. Michael than a Christ-like figure, but I need to work out my thoughts on that sometime when I've got more brain space. If the last three episodes of the current season follow Revelations, it kind of follows, but I'll let the episodes air over here before spewing forth.)

A day in the life of a fool...

Thanks to Liam I have this song stuck in my head. (Worksafe.)

I admit I get a bit frustrated, when I hear someone say that laity should just be content with the rosary, the Mass, and vocal prayer, generally some saccharine verbiage out of a prayer book published before 1950. Don't get me wrong, I like the rosary (the Dominicans are rubbing off on me, even if I get more out of making them than praying them), but purely verbal prayer doesn't always fill a need.

It's one instance of that "Don't you worry your little lay head *pat pat*" attitude that you see among the generation younger than me. While the Liturgy of the Hours is important, one of the reasons why I switched to Latin was because I found myself just spitting out the words as fast as I could, without really considering their meaning. The LotH is the prayer of the entire Church. As such, it should have relevance and speak to our lives. When it works, it's uncanny how a particular psalm (usually just one for that day) speaks to something going on in my life.

But also it should be more than just the words on the page. There should be something in the words that points to something greater than us, which is the point of lectio divina. (Or should be.) Granted, I'm a barely-closeted contemplative, but I believe we're all called to a deeper relationship with the Divine. Hiding behind pious prose isn't going to expose us to that deeper mystery.

Others have written about how contemplation is a gift and a calling from God. If this is true, then what possible reason is there to restrict people from that to which they're being called?

Ah heck. Anyone know how to get videos from youtube working on blogger?



Bleiben Sie in Ruhe...

Obituary for Zawinul here.

St. Gabriel, patron of twisted pairs, fix my DSL...

So for almost two years, I haven't had to so much as reboot my DSL modem. I realize I'm lucky in this respect. I piggyback my DSL on my existing phone service through another provider, and the relationship has been great. I will admit that I would recommend speakeasy, even though I'm currently having problems.

They're shipping a new modem, so hopefully that will fix things. If that doesn't work, they'll ratchet up the pressure on my phone company. I'm tempted to dump my phone, get a prepaid cell, and just go bare DSL. It's not much more than what I'd be paying, if I upgraded my existing service. Any recommendations as to cell phone providers? I should probably get one, anyway, with as much travel as I do. I'm looking at prepaid plans, since I hardly use a phone.

You know, St. Gabriel the Archangel is the patron saint of telecommunications. I'm beginning to think he'd be faster than my ISP goading my telco into fixing the damn line. Maybe it's just coincidence, but I found a silly little novena to him. My DSL hasn't dropped yet...

There's something about Real Live Preacher's newest series in the Foy Davis stories. The latest three center around a boy named David Friedman. His stories and writings always hit hard in an ultra-realistic way, but it's not that.

In another life, back in school before college I was David Friedman. During fifth grade, I was beaten up daily and blamed for it. (Smart kids ask for it, apparently, and should just act normal.) Middle school wasn't much better. High school the beatings became emotional. College? It was wonderful. But my experience reflected through David's aren't what's eating at me through those stories.

For awhile, a part of me wanted those who bullied me to be monsters, still. Probably some are. Probably some are ordinary people. Even some may be nice people once they grew up some. Another part of me wanted to lord over them that I've managed to do things with my life that they haven't--I'm one of the few from my suburban high school who's living further than 10 miles away from the suburb I grew up in.

There was a time when I wanted to show up at a reunion, Hoopy Frood in tow, and name-drop the composers, choreographers, visual artists, and other people I've met, while reciting my CV. In the end, I didn't go to my 10 year reunion. Now I don't feel much towards those people. If I hadn't read the story, I probably wouldn't have thought about them. I have people who love me, and I have people I love. I'll never be a social butterfly, but when the mood strikes I have people to do stuff with. Life is pretty good.

What made my stomach sink was the idea that those who bullied me are feeling some kind of remorse, yet I want them to be faceless monsters. Can anything erase what they did? Probably not. Will I forget what was done to me? Probably not. Catholic teaching says as much that we have responsibility for the effects of the sins we commit. What reconciliation does is allow us to go on with our lives. Do I want their lives to go on? Sure. Do I want them to feel awful for what they did? I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but no I don't as much as I once did.

What would happen, if we ran into each other in QFC? Probably the initial pleasantries. I'm sure they'd be as interested in my forays into the arts like I'd be interested in their kids. We'd exchange smalltalk over avocadoes, and then go on with our lives. Maybe they need to hear that my life is as boringly normal as theirs is. Maybe I needed to hear that they're just people.

So a few weeks back when I knew my desktop was needing last rites, I broke my coffee mug. Said coffee mug was perched precariously somewhere where it shouldn't have been perched. I wasn't overly attached to the old coffee mug. It was a shade of blue I wasn't fond of. The lip was curled inwards, making it difficult to drink from without spilling. Its redeeming feature was that it held about three cups of liquid.

Today I schlepped to a St. Vincent de Paul store to replace it. Thrift stores are weird and slightly sad places. So many well-loved and used things are there, and you can't help but wonder the stories behind them.

I found one mug to replace my old one that would do quite well. But then I happened upon this one. At first it struck me as hideous. It's an uneven yellowish-green glaze with some sort of flower-cum-blueberry motif going on. Trust me. It photographs prettier than it really is.

I couldn't put this mug down, though. It was well worth the 40 cents it cost (since today was 50% off day, I got both mugs for the price of one.) For the price, it was a good investment. It'll hold half a hotpot (about 22-25 oz of beverage.) It holds the heat pretty well. (Better than my old coffee mug.)

I wonder what its story is. There weren't any other dishes there like it. It's mass-produced from China, but aside from that, who owned it? Was it some grandmother, who had her tea or coffee in it? A college student, who moved? Maybe it was a white elephant, and its recipient didn't know what to make of a one-of mottled green mug of vague flower pattern. Did its original owner just tire of it? Did its old owner die? Probably not...the "made in China" sticker is still firmly attached. It probably wasn't even used. Which, in a strange way, makes this mug that more appealing. Someone somewhere disliked it enough to not even use it, a sad tale, if it were a gift.

It does well with tea, although my loose tea diffuser is a bit too short for it. We'll see about coffee tomorrow.

I had this spiffy post prepared about the topic of "boot camps" for children and teens, but nothing I can say can compare to the words of someone who went through one, herself: http://shoiryu.livejournal.com/492507.html

Here's another article on boot camps and teens.

I don't deny the right of parents to raise their children as they see fit. I do agree that sometimes kids/teens need a nudge out of the nest. But these places are institutionalized child abuse.

I think I've got most things back in place. I imported my bookmarks from my old windows computer, so if I haven't stopped by your blog for a bit, give me a ping. I probably lost the link somewhere. I still need to recover about 40-60GB worth of crap from my old drive, but I want to get some sort of external hard drive enclosure. I'm intending to use the old IDE drive as my mp3 library.

It used to take an hour to compile a minute's worth of music with csound on my old computer. New one? About five minutes if I'm doing something with lots of voices or a complicated texture. I don't think csound 5 is optimized for dual core processors yet, but it's nice that I can do other things while it crunches. Friday night I was watching "Austin Powers" while compiling csound, just because I could. (My old computer would come crashing to a halt if I did that, since both activities are so CPU-intensive.)

Yesterday I tested my computer for burn in by playing "Lord of the Rings Online." It's pretty nifty. I'm on Landroval, where a lot of the people I used to play "Dark Age of Camelot" are.

*bounce bounce bounce*

Computer parts are in Renton! I'm always surprised at how it takes 2 days for UPS to deliver a box that's 40 minutes away (with traffic).

I'm getting an intel core duo 2 2.4 ghz processor, 1GB DDR2 800mhz RAM (motherboard will take up to 8), a 160GB SATA 7200 rpm hard drive, and a nvidia 8500GS video card with 512MB DDR RAM. I wasn't able to recycle my current video card because the new motherboard won't support AGP. (Which is just as well, since my current video card is an nvdia 5600FX and is crap.)

I have no compunction about wiping and reinstalling *other* people's computers. My own? I hate doing it. But I think my current excitement is overshadowing the loathing of recompiling csound.

Props to Crystal, who got me looking into the Enchiridion of Indulgences. There's some really cool prayers in there, too. Such as:

Hidden God, devoutly I adore you,
Truly present underneath these veils:
All my heart subdues itself before you,
Since it all before you faints and fails.

Not to sight, or taste, or touch be credit,
Hearing only do we trust secure;
I believe, for God the Son has said it --
Word of Truth that ever shall endure.

On the cross was veiled your Godhead's splendor,
Here your manhood lies hidden too;
Unto both alike my faith I render,
And, as sued the contrite thief, I sue.

Though I look not on your wounds with Thomas,
You, my Lord, and you, my God, I call:
Make me more and more believe your promise,
Hope in you, and love you over all.

O memorial of my Savior dying,
Living Bread, that gives life to man;
Make my soul, its life from you supplying,
Taste your sweetness, as on earth it can.

Deign, O Jesus, Pelican of heaven,
Me, a sinner, in your Blood to lave,
To a single drop of which is given
All the world from all its sin to save.

Contemplating, Lord, your hidden presence,
Grant me what I thirst for and implore,
In the revelation of your essence
To behold your glory evermore.

Partial indulgence for that one's devout recitation. So's this one:

Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom his love commits me here, enlighten and guard, rule and guide me. Amen.

You know Stephen Colbert's "De-Deification" skit? Yup. Partial indulgence for the recitation of the Nicene Creed. (or did he rattle off the Apostle's Creed?)

Do you teach or learn Christian doctrine? Partial indulgence for you, so long as it's done with faith and Christian charity.

Here's another neat one you don't hear too often:

Hear us, Lord, holy Father, almighty and eternal God; and graciously send your holy angel from heaven to watch over, to cherish, to protect, to abide with, and to defend all who dwell in this house. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

This one's a favorite of mine:

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help or sought your intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Maybe I should remember to do the Divine Office (or the version of it that I do--the old Benedictine Office), since there's an indulgence on Psalm 50/51.

Hey Rev. Mommy. Make sure your congregation sings this one on Pentecost. (Isn't this one also a hymn used in Protestant churches?) They'd have a chance for a plenary indulgence:

Come, Holy Spirit, Creator blest,
And in our souls take up your rest;
Come with your grace and heavenly aid
To fill the hearts which you have made.
O Comforter, to you we cry,
O heavenly gift of God Most High,
O fount of life and fire of love,
And sweet anointing from above.
You in your sevenfold gifts are known;
You, finger of God's hand we own;
You, promise of the Father, you
Who do the tongue with power imbue.
Kindle our senses from above,
And make our hearts o'erflow with love;
With patience firm and virtue high
The weakness of our flesh supply.
Far from us drive the foe we dread,
And grant us your peace instead;
So shall we not, with you for guide,
Turn from the path of life aside.
Oh, may your grace on us bestow
The Father and the Son to know;
And you, through endless times confessed,
Of both the eternal Spirit blest.
Now to the Father and the Son,
Who rose from death, be glory given,
With you, O holy Comforter,
Henceforth by all in earth and heaven. Amen.

This one's a good one to end on, since it's the final collect before the Marian antiphon in the old Benedictine version of Compline:

Visit, we beg you, O Lord, this dwelling, and drive from it all snares of the enemy: let your holy Angels dwell herein, to keep us in peace; and let your blessing be always upon us. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Care and Feeding of Your Catholic, part 4, Myths and urban legends

Welcome back to part 4 of "Care and Feeding of Your Catholic!" Sorry for the hiatus, but today's episode deals with urban legends. With something as old and byzantine as the Catholic Church, there are bound to be odd superstitions and urban legends. Here's a few I've heard over the years:

1.) Catholics are forbidden to read the Bible. False. They weren't encouraged to before Vatican II in some circles, but we've had translations into Latin (St. Jerome, his vernacular for the time) and the vernacular (Douay-Rheims, New American, New Jerusalem, etc), like everyone else. We do have more books than the Protestant churches, so neener.

2.) The Immaculate Conception refers to Jesus. Nope. That would be Mary, who was conceived without original sin. (A priest at my parish likes to refer to the feast of the Immaculate Conception as "the feast of the Immaculate Confusion.")

3.) We pray to saints. Nope. We ask them for prayers. You ask your friends and family to pray for you? We do, too. It's just that we don't think their intercession ends at death. Relics: do you keep pictures or hairs from people you love? Same thing.

4.) We worship Mary. Well...It depends on how you define "worship." (See also the difference between doulia--honor paid to the saints--and latria--worship of God.)

5.) We're cannibals. Not really. Look, the Eucharist is pure Aristotle. A thing can retain its accident and still be completely different in essence. If you burn the heck out of toast, it's still toast, but burnt. If you forget that you're supposed to be an EM and take antihistamines before Mass (since medicine is allowed for the Eucharistic fast), and then have to finish off a cup of consecrated wine, odds are you'll experience the accident of the wine, even though its essence is different.

6.) *insert conspiracy theory here* I'd tell you, but then the people in black helicopters would have to find you.

7.) The pope is always infallible. Newp. It's only within very specific situations that a papal writing or teaching is infallible, and that has to do with faith and morals and must specifically be stated to be infallible. It's not as easy as it seems, and it's not used often. Conversely not everything the pope says or writes is the same weight. For instance, if he were to write a book, it doesn't have the same weight as an encyclical, an apostolic letter, etc. As we well know with our current pope, it's easy to say something and have it taken wrong. If something official comes out, odds are it has had a lengthy drafting and revision process. And that's just encyclicals. Something more important would have a much longer draft/revision time. (see also the new translation of the Mass or the recent motu proprio.)

8.) The pope doesn't sin. Newp. He has to go to confession, like the rest of us.

9.) Priests hate women. I haven't personally met any, but I'm sure they exist. They're as diverse a population as the rest of us. Older generations tend to be more standoffish. Once I was an altar server for an older (visiting) priest. He didn't say much to me getting ready, and I try to give them their space beforehand. (So they've got time to pray, deal with nerves, or whatever.) So after the recessional at the end of Mass, he turned to me, thanked me and said how wonderful it was that "young people" were involved in the Liturgy. (I was thrilled to be called young at 30.) So you meet all types.

10.) Catholics can buy their way to heaven. Nope. We've got to rely upon God's grace and mercy like everyone else. Plenary indulgences--those which remove all temporal punishment of sin (not the sin itself) up to the time of the indulgence--are actually rare and difficult to do. (Try remaining in a state of non-attachment to sin, even venal sins sometime.)

Yippie! New computer parts are on their way. I'm actually moving into the 21st century. One of the problems with linux is that it'll literally run on anything. This is good, because you can use older hardware. This is also bad when your dissertation is computer-intensive, and your progress is bottlenecked by an ancient CPU. You don't want to replace your computer, because, by God, it still runs linux.

I'm saving a ton of money, since I buy parts. (Still need a new video card, since mine is AGP, and the new motherboard is PCI-E.) This is a tool, not a toy. Or so I keep telling myself. I hate making big purchases, even when I know they're necessary.

No Vista. I've seen vista, and it's a steaming heap. I'll stick with XP for as long as I possibly can, I think. (I dual boot.) I'm open for suggestions as to what to call the new computer. I had a gamelan naming scheme going on for awhile. Not stuck on it.

I inherited a digital camera, so I'm madly running around taking pictures of things. My oldest niece has been sending me pictures, so I'm returning the favor. I just hope an academic gamer-geek's life isn't too boring for her. I'm hoping the people upstairs left the door open to their patio, so I can go get a picture of the Space Needle from Chez Jen.

But I've taken a bunch of pictures of some of my knit finished objects. The whole gallery is here. Here's my first bit of fandom knitting. They're Rose's wrist warmers from the "Doomsday" episode of Doctor Who:



The pattern for them is here. Have I mentioned how easy it is to get a camera working under linux? Edit /etc/fstab, mount it, and you're good to go. USB Mass Storage Devices, I love you.

So a post over on Erin's blog got me thinking in a roundabout way about men and women. The original post was about some survey that Colleen Hammond did, in which a percentage of men are threatened by women in pants. In my response, I wondered if her sample of men isn't skewed.

I'm in a male-dominated field, and it's safe to say that all my colleagues are men. All of my professors in my field have been men, and those I studied with privately were also possessors of a Y chromosome. A few assholes aside (fortunately very few and far between), I've never had a problem. Certainly not with any of my professors--who've all been encouraging.

In the interest of full disclosure, I dress like a geek. My day job involves computer support, and it wouldn't be practical--or safe, considering some of the crawlspaces I'm in--to dress in overly girly clothes, not that I'd be comfortable wearing such things. Also I don't have the figure for overly revealing clothing. So it's geek chic for me. My colleagues and professors have always been nothing but professional with me, and I with them.

Am I "feminizing" my discipline, when that term usually refers to watering down rigor? I'm held to the same standards as anyone else in my program. One thing I find refreshing from my colleagues is that they're--sometimes brutally--honest. If I weren't toeing the line or doing my end of the work, I'd hear. Then again, where are the non-white people in my discipline? I can't think of any PoC in my department, much less among the faculty.

One of the more eye-opening moments came in the context of a seminar. Someone played a music video featuring scantily-clad, ultra-thin women. I anticipated the rest of the room being attracted to it. Newp. To a person, they were all disgusted by it. Comments ranged from "Ew, gross" to "Poor thing needs a cheeseburger."

So where are all these men that are so titillated by women, that they're resentful of them in pants and can't function when women are in "men's" jobs? I'm sure they're there, like I'm sure there are women who're inappropriate at a job. Resentful at my presence? Threatened by my jeans? Doesn't overly give my male colleagues any credit.

So I like curry. I like all kinds of curry. And I'm a total chili head, so I like spice. (As one friend put it when eating pho with me--"Hey, did you know your food is glowing?" And from the Hoopy Frood when eating Thai with me: "I can feel your food's heat from across the table." Others have mentioned something about my food not having anything on the Hanford Nuclear Reservation.) What can I say? I can handle my spice.

I haven't made Thai curry in awhile--I was embarrassed to admit to my Thai roommates that I used curry paste as a base. Then I asked them for their recipe. It included pulling out a tub of curry paste from the fridge. Fry up some meat or protein. Dump a few healthy tablespoons of curry paste in. Cook with the meat for a bit. Then dump your veggies (bamboo shoots, mushrooms, whatever) cover with coconut milk. Give it a splash of fish sauce to taste. (You can also add lime leaves or basil leaves.) Serve over rice. (Jasmine.)

Japanese curry: Brown some cut-up meat. Cube some potatoes, carrots and onion. I like to give them a quick toss in the pan to get them started and carmelize a bit. Look on the back of the box of curry to see what the proper ratio of water to curry is. Dump the water over and boil until everything is mostly cooked. Then dump in your curry cubes. Thicken and serve over rice. (Short-grain.)

So I have had notoriously bad luck cooking Indian food from scratch. I lived with a post-doc from India for awhile, and she'd laugh off my requests for recipes, saying I wouldn't be able to handle the heat. (O ye of little faith...) But the elusive cuisine was out of my grasp. Thus, I have discovered the wonder that is Pataks. And...I have tasty curry atop a fluffy pile of basmati (organic) rice. As my neighbors can attest to my contented belch, I have discovered how to make good Indian food.

Their hot curry paste isn't that hot. I wonder if they tone it down for export across the Pond. Now if I can find an import shop that sells shetland wool for lace, Doctor Who DVD's, and curry paste, I would be very happy. (And probably never leave the house.)

Speaking of curry, it seems that there are some who are addicted to it. Who, me? Naw, I can stop eating curry at any time...

Can the subaltern sing?

Something doesn't sit right with me about this blurb in my alma mater's website. I grew up in that area, and I know what kind of poverty those kids face. I can't get out of my mind how incredibly colonial the author's being.

What strikes me about it is how jubilant she is to learn that her students are capable of learning something like how to read music. Her comment about them sticking with music so they can get scholarships to college reminds me of the comments about PoC playing basketball so they have a shot at college. Not for their own merits or abilities. They're not studying western art music for a well-rounded education or to participate in culture. (In the interest of full disclosure, although I was a music major, I was on mostly academic scholarships.)

I grew up with teachers telling me that although I was in honors and AP classes, my coursework wouldn't mean much and that I would never be able to keep up with college-level work, since my school didn't have the opportunities that other more well-off schools did. I was also told that I'd never be able to compete musically because I couldn't afford lessons from the best people, like other more economically-advantaged people could.

I object to her perpetuating power and class structures, as if western art music is only the realm of the financially elite. Instrumental music isn't the be-all and end-all of western art music, either. There's music theory, music history, musicology, historical musicology, and composition. All of which don't require any financial backing beyond a library card and basic research skills. Yet she's holding up an expensive instrument as their only exposure to the vast discipline of music.

I'm all for helping the less-advantaged out. But if the so-called help is only to keep existing power structures in order, then it's worthless. I don't see any empowering going on at Lakewood.

More "Doctor Who." More mega-spoilers behind the cut bits. I promise this will be it for awhile. Sadly no new episodes until Christmas. Maybe it's just as well, because I have this dissertation to write.

You know, I'm a composer. I'm in academe. I know how brutal and cruel people can get about one's work. I've gotten my fair share of snark disguised as constructive criticism or thinly-veiled personal attacks. I'd like to say it gets easier to deal with, and in some respects it does. One would hope academics, especially, would be more into judging a person's work on the work's merits, and not getting personal, but they're just as petty as anyone else.

So the "Doctor Who" season finale was last Saturday, with two episodes leading up to it. People either loved it or hated it. OK, fine. I get this. What I don't get are those--read any fan community on LJ or board--who take it as a personal insult that the episode didn't meet their expectations.

OK. Extrapolating to something else, namely "Crossroads, part 2" of "Battlestar Galactica." I was disappointed with it, but at the end of the day, it still entertained me for 45 minutes, and I've got the season 3 DVD on pre-order from Amazon. Am I a raving fangirl? Maybe, but if people want me to ramble on, I'd be glad to elucidate where I thought it could be better. Does it mean anything about the writers and producers? Nope. Did it jump the shark? Nowhere near as badly as "Battlestar 1980" did. Arguably BSG is still one of the best programs on TV. I doubt that Ronald D. Moore is out to pee in people's breakfast cereal, like people are convinced the writers and producers of "Doctor Who" are.

So back to "Doctor Who." Was I expecting some of the ending? Yah, parts. Did I think there were things that could've been tighter? Absolutely. I'd love it if they released the Criterion Director's Cut of all my favorite shows. But more importantly did it follow its own logic? Yes, as well as they could with so many threads in 51 minutes.


Things I didn't have a problem with: glowy Doctor rejuvinated by the psychic field. If anything, I really wish they would've developed this further. They've never really gone into any detail about the psychic capabilities of Time Lords aside from a few throwaway lines and when the plot suits it. I was blown away with the Doctor forgiving
the Master. I don't think defeating him with words was out of character in the least. If anything, that's the Doctor's greatest strength.

The Master really needed to die. He went out at the top of his game, and I think why the Master became almost comic in the 1980's was because he was defeated almost every other week by the Doctor. It's like Diana in "V." You can't have a big badass supervillain, when they're defeated by the good guys all the time. They have no potency if they aren't a real threat. The Master was badass, and in dying he won.

Martha needed to leave, even temporarily. Ever seen the movie "White" ("Blanc") by Kieslowski? Same deal as between Karol and Dominique as between the Doctor and Martha. (Ok, with a lot less sex.) You can't have a relationship--even friendship--when there's such a great inequality of power. I also don't doubt for an instant that the character of the Doctor loves his companions, but it's not a human love. (You saw that in "Human Nature/"Family of Blood.") Either companions come to terms with it (Martha) or they don't. (Tegan, Adric.)

The funeral for the Master: Yeah, OK, they used a pyre in "Return of the Jedi," but so do a hell of a lot of cultures. My first thought was that it looked a lot like a Balinese Hindu cremation. And, really, how else are you going to get rid of an archetypal character?

In the end, though, I thought it was a good resolution to the series. The things I enjoyed far outweighed the things I didn't. I think I need to quit reading fansites, since I'm so fed up reading personal attacks on people who have done nothing to me.

Mega-spoilers for Doctor Who. I mean it. Don't read this post if you don't want season 3/29 spoiled!

This is your last warning. If you don't want things spoiled, don't read behind the link. OK, I may talk about Torchwood a bit, too. This has got to be the best season of Doctor Who ever. If you'd like to learn how to make these text cuts for your very own blog, check out this help article here. No clue why the tags are appearing before the spoiler cut, but there you go.

OK. Anyone else notice how this season of Doctor Who with the last episode of Torchwood follows the Revelation of St. John almost perfectly? There's still one episode left to go, but the similarities are uncanny. All biblical quotes are taken from the New Jerusalem Bible because that's what I've got lying around. Just some scattered thoughts I have:

The fifth trumpet and Abbadon has been pointed out about the last episode of Torchwood. That's when Jack and the Doctor meet back up.

Woman clothed with the sun/Martha: 12:1-6, she escapes to the desert and is the key to the dragon's downfall. (Think we'll see more of this tomorrow.)

Jack: "...people will long for death and not find it anywhere; they will want to die and death will evade them." (5:6)

Chapter 6: kind of describes the decimation (literal) at the end of "Sound of Drums": "the sky disappeared like a scroll rolling up and all the mountains and islands were shaken from their places." Paradox machine and when the sky split and the toclafane came? On the decimation of humanity: "Immediately I saw another horse appear, deathly pale, and its rider was called Death, and Hades followed at its heels. They were given authority over a quarter of the earth, to kill by the sword, by famine, by plague and through wild beasts."

I'm really seeing the Doctor as St. Michael lately. He's been described as a lonely angel, and it's kind of his job to protect people, the universe. It sort of fits that the dragon would be the Master--he's a fallen angel, he and his armies fight against St. Michael and company. "Sound of Drums" really set up the Master as a perversion of everything the Doctor stands for, including his relationship with others.

We'll see how tomorrow's episode changes everything.

1.) I'm still here. More fighting with financial aid. Hopefully it'll finally be resolved. At least they're convinced I have a Master's degree. Progress, I guess. This bout of fun involved having to call them every other day to get my award for this year and conflicting information, not to mention a hold on my account for no reason. Thanks to Student Fiscal Services--who really are wonderful--I think things are sorted out.

2.) Doctor Who: Yowza. Anyone else watching it? If you don't watch it, when it comes on Sci-Fi, check it out. Easily the best season yet.

3.) In lieu of actual content, a few things about how God wrote the world in LISP.



And here's a song about it. If you'd like to sing along, here are lyrics.

I've been in a funk lately. I'm sure part of it is financial aid worries (hopefully resolved) and the other part is that there are no good role models for lay Catholics. Rather, there aren't any that fit my situation in life. Most of the intellectuals I admire are monastics or people in religious orders. Lay modern Catholics? Can't think of many I'd like to emulate, especially for women. Most speak to childbirth and homemaking--both vitally important vocations, but neither mine.

So we've got St. Gianna Molla. She's never spoken to me. If anything her message seems to be the same as what I'd get from my family: I'm selfish if I don't have children. She's never mentioned for being a doctor during a time when women just weren't. She had to have been one sharp cookie--I'm sure the prejudice was against her to begin with, so she had to be better than those around her. I think a woman who was able to overcome such a situation back in the 1950's is enough proof of sainthood. But that's not what's emphasized in her story. I worry that the extremist "pro-lifers" are going to an idolatrous extreme, which objectifies women in opposite ways from hedonistic secularists.

Then we've got the Quattrocchi family. I swore I'd never discuss sex on my blog, but I can't say their relationship is one the Hoopy Frood and I would like to emulate, either. Sure, you can't build a relationship on sex, but going too far the other way--the term "living as brother and sister" for a married couple creeps me out in a deeply Freudian way--isn't good, either. Humans need closeness. There was a study done with primates--if you deprive them of touch from other primates they wither, give up, and die. I've seen the same thing happen to couples who've been married decades when one person in the relationship dies. The other person fades away.

Are children necessary for such a relationship? I know more than a handful of couples without children. The fruit of their love can't help but spill over into their relationships with other people. Maybe it's coincidence, but those couples--some of which have been married as long as I've been alive--are some of the most loving people I know.

I don't know why I was given the gift of being able to compose music. I have to believe it's not an accident, given the hardship and trials I've faced getting to where I am today. I'm not after fame and prestige--there are easier ways to get it beyond a doctorate in music composition. I don't know why I was given the gift of the Hoopy Frood, either, but I have to believe both of them aren't accidents.

Yet it seems like the overwhelming bias on marriage in the RCC emphasizes women giving up on their careers to be mothers. How is my being unhappy bringing glory to God or using the talents I have? (I know myself well enough at 32.5 to know that there is no way I'd ever be a happy person as a stay-at-home-mother.) How is throwing away my talents best for the relationship between the Frood and I?

I can point to Catholics I'd like to emulate, but they aren't "big names" or canonized saints. Maybe things are changing. Over on Whispers in the Loggia, Palmo wrote a wonderful article about the role of women in Benedict's papacy, including a letter from him about the need for women in the Church. So why doesn't the institutional Church value women's talents?

Blog Like it's the End of the World

You can read more about my chronicles of zombie apocalypse here...

(Some NSFW language...because during a zombie attack, you don't have time for pleasantries...)

For more information go here.

Care and Feeding of Your Catholic, part 5, "mixed" relationships.

OK. This one's a bit more pragmatic. Nothing special, just a few tidbits I've gleaned over 8 years of life with the Hoopy Frood. Feel free to add, reject, or correct. Seems like the issue of "mixed" relationships--that is, a relationship with a person who's not Catholic--keeps coming up in various forms, blogs, and forums.

1.) Rule #1: The only person you can change is yourself.

2.) Rule #2: Your relationship isn't a zero-sum game.

3.) Golden Rule in all things.

Really, that's all there is to it. The times religion's been an issue, someone broke one of the three rules. (In any issue, I might add, not just religion.)

I mean, look, it's not theoretical physics. One of the common things I see come up is converting one's spouse. If one's spouse wants to convert, that's one thing. If they don't, forcing the issue isn't going to do anyone any good. Would you want your spouse to try to convert you to their religion? No? Then why do it to him/her? And as to sneaking green scapulars into your SO's stuff, is that really building trust? Would you want your SO sneaking their religious items into your things to make you convert? You can respect a person's beliefs without agreeing to them, and such tactics don't overly seem respectful.

The rest, really, is just details. What I've found works for us is a common ground, some area we can agree on. (In anything, again, not just religion.) Lord knows we've had our squabbles, but also one pig-headed statement doesn't merit another. ("Get bent," is not appropriate apologetics, for instance.) And really, if a couple disagrees, it means they disagree. It doesn't mean they love each other less, which I think some newer couples seem to equate disagreement with.

The other big source of discord has been a lack of knowledge or understanding. For instance I have a horrible habit of ripping on evangelicals. I really do try to be nice, but their beliefs are the opposite of mine. Their emphasis upon their take on Christianity as being the only way (in some cases) really grates on my nerves, especially since some of them think they're closer to "authentic" Christianity. Some of my in-laws are evangelical Christians, and I know I've said some unkind things that hurt the Frood, even though I wasn't specifically talking about his family and he's neither Christian, nor evangelical.

Conversely, I've had to sit through some rather uncomfortable moments, one in particular where it was said that all people born into a denomination aren't strong in their faith, when I've been a Catholic since birth. To me it feels like they rub their faith in other peoples' faces. To them, it's as if I'm not "on fire." I"m a contemplative--I need silence in my worship, where they have no problem with pop and more "boisterous" worship. They see ritual as dead, where I see it as a sign of the universal Church and something transcendent. It's funny that the Hoopy Frood and I aren't even the same religion, yet we agree on more in things spiritual than between his family and I, and we're all Christian.

So I guess the bottom line is love your SO, keep a sense of humor about it all, and be prepared to pass the ketchup or apologize, when one of you puts your foot in your mouth.

At some point words become frail. I could say so much about what I'm doing as a composer, yet nothing but silence would come close to that by which I'm confronted in the act of composition. I could fill reams of program notes about formal method and procedures, but never be able to describe the terrifying (awe-inspiring) intimacy of the moment that music gets written.

I think why so many composers in computer music hide behind technology is because without an instrumentalist to be shielded by, they're completely exposed. Every fault and failing is blasted to the world. Elements of themselves, which may or may not exist, are splayed for all to see and consume or vomit back in disgust. Real intimacy with one person you know well is scary enough. With people one doesn't know? Horrifying.

Walking along the main street by my studio, words and actions become raw. The suffering of panhandlers contrasts the bacchanalia of fraternities and sororities. Mundane errands, lunch-seekers, and drug-pushers collide. Their humanity is too much. Nothing I can actively do will fill the gaping void formed from everyday life.

This is not the place prepared for me. A composer's music, a contemplative's prayer (if the two were ever separate), this is the bread of my life for others and my vocation. If, as critics of contemporary music alledge, we only write music to be ellitist, then if not for others, why would we expose ourselves (lovingly) in such a vulnerable way?

Receive, O Lord, this all-embracing host which your whole creation, moved by your magnetism, offers you at this dawn of a new day. This bread, our toil, is of itself, I know, but an immense fragmentation; this wine, our pain is no more, I know, than a draught that dissolves. Yet in the very depths this formless mass you have implanted--and this I am sure of, for I sense it--a desire, irresistible, hallowing, which makes us cry out, believer and unbeliever alike: 'Lord make us one. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, "Mass on the World"

Dissertation meter update. Cut some stuff out. Once again, it's measured in seconds. I'm thinking about changing the meter so that it's reflecting pieces after awhile, since the target number is 15. A five minute limit per piece is somewhat artificial, since some are slightly less, and some are slightly more. But I'm not sure how I'd numerically represent pieces in progress. Halves, thirds, and quarters are easily done. The problem comes in when I've got something like 13 seconds. (A good day, considering I had some code tweaking to do.) Anyway:

654 / 4,500

14.5%)

I've got a ton of progress to be made this summer...like 3 minutes per week of music. I badly need to upgrade my computer (currently a 1.2 ghz Athlon thunderbird), but am afraid of downtime. Yet having it take one hour per minute of music isn't exactly helping my productivity. And then there's still the financial aid business, which I can't get an answer for. Oh and then there's the overhanging job search, since I hope to be done this year. Gack. Just thinking about everything that needs to happen this year is enough to make my brain freeze.

I know. Lilies of the field, and sufficient for today being its own evil. Sorry for my brevity lately, but I'll try to post something of more substance when things aren't so busy.

Because a friend said it so much better than I could.

A friend of mine on LJ talks about life in the Bible Belt as a normal Catholic and the polarization between fundamentalists and non-fundamentalists. Well worth a read, especially if you want to understand what's at the root of the political situation over here.

(Sort of book related, since the book meme is going around...)

So I'm trying to figure out what's up with the whole Divine Mercy thing. It usually takes forever for private revelations to become part of official theology, so something that was revealed to someone and then adapted in the same century is kind of odd. (Not that it probably hasn't happened before, but most of the private revelations tend to take longer than 50 years to become more mainstream, such as Fatima, although reception is mixed. You have those who dote on every word the seers revealed, and you have those who think it probably happened, but don't give it much thought.) Is there something more to the Divine Mercy thing besides the Sunday after Easter and cheesy art?

(N.B. I'm not discounting visionaries and other mystical revelations. I do believe they happen, and I believe that there are still people who have these kinds of experiences. I'm leery when private revelations get pushed so hard on the rest of us.)

So Divine Mercy chaplet. Have to admit, the prayers in it are kind of nifty. Mercy hour at 3...sure, I do the Divine Office when able, so I appreciate the value of regular prayer.

To give it a fair shot, I got St. Faustina's book, Divine Mercy in my Soul. All 600+ pages of it. I'm not unfamiliar with mystical writings, and she's very much coming out of that idiom. OK. nothing strange there. It's her spiritual journal, after all, and wasn't probably intended for publication when it was written. Plus she didn't receive much education, so we can forgive some stylistic and grammatical glitches. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm only on page 50 or so.

She's got some passages that are gorgeous. And then there are some that make me wonder about the whole Divine Mercy devotion. For instance, Jesus comes off as a manipulative bully of a boyfriend. He (according to her) tells her that he won't put up with her, when she was discerning a vocation. Although it didn't sound like much of a discernment to me. She talks about how she would've been happier in a less apostolic environment, but after speaking with her confessor (and after an encounter with Christ), she completely subsumes her will.

OK, now that really tweaked my inner Benedictine. Sure, obedience is something all orders stress (and vow.) But that kind of blind submission above and beyond one's own misery isn't a good thing. For instance, there's ample opportunity to leave in the Rule of St. Benedict. One abbot said that if someone's miserable, they don't want them sticking around, either. There are times in which one must just grin and bear it, but, at least how it was explained to me, one's postulancy isn't the time or place, if the particular order is a bad fit.

Maybe I'm being unfair, and things were radically different in the 1920's, but reading between the lines, I don't think it was an overly happy situation. I get the impression from comments other nuns made towards her that she wasn't liked. (And that her need for prayer and her sicknesses were seen as ways for her to avoid work.) Maybe instead of seeing the cultural baggage of women being put in place, there's something else I'm missing?

Here's a person who, at least in the first 50 pages of the notebooks, had a dismal life, died of tuberculosis early, and amid all of it managed to have these empowering, ecstatic experiences. When I was researching Balinese balians (kind of a shaman), it was mentioned that the trance/ecstasy experience tends to be colored by one's culture. So maybe her vision of Christ was also a reflection of the culture she came out of. Would a person living now have the same experiences? What about a person, who was from a different culture, where women were valued and not seen merely as possessions? Or so I keep telling myself. Because if the bully Jesus is the message the Church wants us to hear from this, the rest of the 600 pages are going to be rough.